September 2011
1 post
August 2011
4 posts
I am awesome.
Indeed.
It's done.
Well, the note has been burned.
As I stared at the smoldering ashes, I realized just how much power it had been holding over me. A few pieces of paper with words written on them, yet I’d passed up many, many chances to get rid of it. For some reason, I never could. But now….it’s done. It’s over. Joanna doesn’t have any more power over me.
I’m finally free.
It's time.
So, I’m sure people are aware of my romantic past, as many of posts have delved into such things. Looking back through my posts, it’s apparent that there’s one such situation that I only really talked in any detail about once, and thinking back on it, I should have realized then that something was still wrong.
I’m talking about Joanna. After all this time, I still...
July 2011
5 posts
The Truth
Under a sea came up for air Opened my eyes and heard release her A heady blur of charcoal white Still needle-filled she said release her
And I went home that day she’d left by nightfall But letting go was all I had to do
Don’t want for what you cannot have Forgive or don’t but just release her So I took stock and harbored down Wandered for years then just released her
...
*facedesk*
Ugh…..
Life is like a melody, sang deep within my soul, sang deep within to me. And all these chains that shackle me. They won’t let me take control They wanna take control of me. I’ve got to rise above my life. To find the reason I’m alive. I’ll save myself, I’m all alone. I’ve opened my heart to see there’s nobody home. It’s up to me, I’m on my own....
My last post was a little whiny.
So here’s a little bit of introspection to make up for it.
So, second place…well, it’s not so bad. I mean think about it, that means you were at the very least still in the running, right? Isn’t that part of what’s important, at least having that chance to achieve a goal? Yeah, that’s how I could look at it, and probably how I should. But having a chance to...
Hey, remember that good mood?
Yeah, realizing I’m coming in second yet again kinda killed it.
June 2011
8 posts
Easy way to tell if I'm in a good mood...
…is when you see me driving around with my windows down and Sundown on at full blast.
Resolution.
So Audry and I had a face-to-face talk today.
We’re going to be friends. She feels horrible about what happened, and several times broke down into tears in front of me. Now considering my previous state, I kinda shocked myself by being as understanding as I was, when I realized something; I’ve stopped being upset about it.
I kinda surprised myself with that, considering how much it...
She wakes up Rage and grace Pulling me closer Pushing away And me the sharpest thorn on your vine Twisting and turning we’re all intertwined Broken wing Empty glass Words that scream and bounce right back She says, “You know, we’d all like to rearrange” I wish I could fix you And make you how I want you I wish I could fix you And I wish you could fix me I wish I could heal...
All downhill from here....
You’re hiding something, ‘cause it’s burning through your eyes I try to get it out, but all I hear from you are lies And I can tell you’re going through the motions I figured you were acting out your part Once again, we’re playing off emotion Which one of us will burn until the end? Catalyst, you insist to pull me down You contradict the fact that you still want me around And it’s all downhill...
I'm not gonna lie.
I’ve been feeling friggin lonely since things with Audry went down. I don’t want to just go for a rebound, because that wouldn’t be fair to whoever the girl would be, but yet I’m craving that closeness, both physical and emotional. I also know that of the friends I have of the fairer sex, none of them would be good choices for a potential next girlfriend. It’s nothing...
So apparently I mean nothing.
Got broken up with today. Now, this wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t because she cheated on me with her ex, and decided she should go back to him.
I’m pissed off, depressed, and feeling kinda used. Didnt’ help that I log on to facebook to see “I love my boyfriend so much” all over my main page. The temptation to spam...
*facedesk*
Why can’t I just make sense?
May 2011
4 posts
I have a problem.
So yesterday was the “official” breakup between me and Alexa. It was mutual, and she was honestly feeling the same way I was, and that we just weren’t going to work. She’s amazing, yes, but apparently just not meant for me.
So, here’s the thing: I’ve felt for the past three weeks or so like I’m single, and not really in a relationship. This became...
In regard to my previous post.
It’s come to a point where I really can’t take it anymore.
My emotional state has never really been the most stable. That’s why I avoided a long-distance relationship the first time. Now that I’ve given it a try….I cant do it. I really can’t. She’s amazing, yes, but what good is a relationship when one of the people in the relationship is so emotionally...
Frak.
*facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk*
*facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk*
*facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk*
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*facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk*
*facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk*...
Haven't heard from Alexa in almost a month.
Slightly discouraged? I think so….
April 2011
7 posts
I dunno why, but I feel the strange need to make a post while I’m at work.
So, my typical at-work posts are about thoughts and feelings, and tend to be a little more brooding. While that’s all well and good to vent, I’m not feeling as much of a need to vent. Getting a letter from Alexa on Wednesday has left me in a good mood since.
Hmm, let me think…Advice column? Probly...
“There are no save points when it comes to ladies, honey.”
- Faye Whitaker (And by extension, Jeph Jacques)
I figured all the years we shared were proof enough to extend my hand and help you I know that getting started can be rough Enthused smile, you seemed grateful I felt real good about myself That’s until the day you showed me You needed anybody else Why’d you have to go? And make me say these things about you Why’d you have to turn around? After all that we’ve been through ...
It's April 4th.
Today is my birthday. I turn 23.
And I’m spending the day by myself.
Haven’t spent a birthday alone since….wow. Ever. I’ve alway been able to spend it with my family, and then ever since I started the whole dating thing, I’ve been able to spend it with my girlfriend as well.
This year…well, my family wound up all being busy today, my roommates are out of...
*facedesk*
*facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk* *facedesk*...
*facedesk*
I’m going abslutely crazy.
For some reason, I’ve been missing her more this last week than I ever have. It’s to the point where I’m having pretty severe moodswings, which has NEVER happened with me.
On a sidenote, I actually just got done talking with Jaylene about how everything’s been. It was not, in any way, awkward. But it made me miss Alexa even more. And the...
March 2011
12 posts
A random thought appears!
So, it’s been quite a while since Jaylene and I broke up. I got to thinking, and realized something kinda interesting.
Her main reasons for breaking up were complete and utter bullshit.
Now, I’m not saying that I think we shouldn’t have broken up. I’m in a pretty good place now. But to realize that her main reasons were that:
She didn’t like going to church. I...
Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up? Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck? Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost? I’ll show you mine if you show me yours first Let’s compare scars, I’ll tell you whose is worse Let’s unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words We live on front porches and swing life away, We get by just fine here on...
Don’t say it’ll stay this way forever I’m afloat in the ocean trying not to sink I’m a crack in the asphalt you walk by on the street I’m a falling star you’ll never see The lash in your eye the I in team So Who am I? Don’t say it’ll stay this way forever Don’t say it’ll stay this way forever I’m the lesson you’ll never learn...
Blarg. I hate when I get in this mood, especially when there’s nothing I can do about it.
I think I might be an emotional masochist. Damn….
This feeling is creeping in again.
Realized something I had completely forgotten. After BASIC, Alexa has to go to Tech school. That means it’s going to be quite a bit longer until I see her again.
So now here I am, realizing that I made the most emotionally trying choice for a girlfriend. Part of me is wondering if I should’ve just stayed single, but then I know I would’ve made...
Dammit.
So, here’s a thought for all of you out there: what is love?
(Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more….yeah, I’m tired again.)
Due to relationship-type thoughts taking up a lot of my braintime, this subject eventually came up in my mind. It made me think about what love is, and when you would know true love?
To know the true point of anything, you need a...
Considered making a post on an epiphany I had on the way home from work.
But I suddenly decided to keep it to myself, and tell you about it just to infuriate your curiosity.
I am so evil.
(And freakin tired.)
Alright, I guess this is the time for my weekend at-work tumblr post. Dunno why this is becoming a regular thing (besides my work being very boring….)
Okay, so my last post stirred a few of you. It is reassuring to know that you guys and gals pay attention. Last week’s post I was…cranky. And that’s putting it lightly. What I said was what was on my mind and how I felt at...
“If ignorance is bliss, than slap this stupid grin off my face.”
- Solomon Torvus
I dunno why all the random thoughts run through my head late at night while I’m work, but they do, so meh.
I’m feeling more and more alone lately. Seems like the only time I see friends besides my roommates are on Sunday nights, and that’s if I make it to the service. It doesn’t help that for the longest time the band was doing a lot of practicing without me for a long...
February 2011
10 posts
So, it’s been around a month and a half since Alexa and I were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. So far, we’ve spent the entire time apart, and while I’m pretty confident that the next time we see eachother (whenever that may be) will be rewarding, in the meantime it’s…difficult.
The problem for me is that I show affection through physical means. I like to cuddle....
I think everyone has songs that they hear them and associate them with certain things. A dance you had fun at, or maybe the theme to an old TV show you loved. But there are also those songs that you don’t bring up, that you avoid listening to despite them actually ebing good songs. Everyone has them, but typically for different reasons.
The main songs that come to mind for me are Open...
When our time is up When our lives are done Will we say we’ve had our fun? Will we make a mark this time? Will we always say we tried? Standing on the rooftops Everybody scream your heart out. Standing on the rooftops Everybody scream your heart out. Standing on the rooftops Everybody scream your heart out. This is all we got now Everybody scream your heart out. All the love I’ve met I...
As your will is bent and broken and every vision has been cast into the wind as your courage crashes down before your eyes don’t lay down and die ‘Cause I see in you More than you’ll ever know And I ask you, “Why You question the strength inside?” And you need to know How it feels to be alive When every wound has been re-opened And in this world of give and take, you...
You turn it around. There’s something safe in the way you say, You don’t like the sound of that again. I could be wrong, but there’s a chance this little dance, It won’t last too long again. All you are is all I need. Call me when you wake up. And I will be the one to bring you home again, I’ll bring you home again. And I always tried to see the best in you though I...
Restless little one Comfortable and warm Let me fall apart Crippled in your arms Chase me through the dark Ready on your mark First to reach the stars Wins a broken heart One that broke apart Shattered from the start Are you there? Do you read me? Are you there? I don’t feel you anymore Cages and alarms Keeping us from harm I will be the guard Hope to rest upon Could I be the one To break a...
Today’s a reason for living Today’s the blood from a stone Today’s the light from a candle Helping us to find our way home Today we carry each other Today the past is a freak Today is the time for forgiveness You were never that good to me I’m sorry I can’t lie I wasted too much time Drowning, I’ve been blind But I’ve opened up my eyes Sorry I can’t lie So...
As he raises his hand you begin to understand That no love is worth the hate that you feel Now you’re running out of pain And all these feelings feel the same So you close your eyes and wish it all away And I lie awake and I try to say Anything I know just to ease your pain But you hide away where no one can see And it’s only you that can set you free Now the time has come again So you...
I feel like posting random lyrics tonight while...
Have fun guessing.